I believe in men’s deep drive to be of service to the feminine, and I aim to foster a thriving king energy in men, with the resources in this guide.
I think there are many interesting ways to create healthy polarity between men and women. Understanding the ways we differ and our biological imperatives has been revolutionary for me, to stop being competitive with men, and to instead celebrate my unique gifts as a woman. It’s also been revolutionary for the man in my life to witness me soften into my feminine gifts. I suppose this makes him feel safer, more masculine, and steady in his purpose. He knows how to support me to feel nurtured because I know how to nurture myself, and I can guide him.
The confidence men gain from knowing how to be devotional to the women they love is a beautiful thing to behold.
The anatomy and physiology that make us different
Men and women are meant to have differences, that’s what gives us magnetism and attraction. I’ll skip the obvious things you already know about genitals, and offer some unique and relevant A&P nuances. With all the gender identity confusion of late, I think it’s important to highlight the biological facts. Biological sex is a reality, and I find it to be liberating to acknowledge this - even celebrate it.
First, women are physiologically designed to gestate life, while men are not. We all acknowledge that, but to what extent are we thinking about how it affects EVERYTHING? Women's biological priorities are to make their bodies capable of growing a baby and giving birth. All female humans have this hardwired into their DNA, whether they want to have children or not. All of a female human’s functions revolve around reproductive potential. I’m talking about all systems throughout the entire body: digestion, elimination, immune function, energy production, mental function… everything is informed by her reproductive vitality (or lack thereof). When a woman is not centering her reproductive health, therefore, her whole body suffers.
As a partner to a woman, regardless of where she is with her ‘cycle’, it’s important to know that she’s not just a smaller version of you. Her body is playing a completely different game. A completely mind-blowing, miraculous, mysterious, mighty endeavor it is. Her cycle is not a curse, it’s a gift - one that the population would cease to exist without. And one that gives both her and you an encyclopedia of clues on how to love and care for her, as a creature of creative earth-heaven connection..
Regardless of if she ever bears children, her body is preparing for it Every. Single. Month. Every cycle is a huge effort physiologically, from the orchestra of hormone production happening in many parts of the body at once, to the building of massive amounts of fresh blood every month, to the intense cleansing and letting go process - all of which are very nutrient and energy expensive tasks.
I hope to inspire some awe here. She’s carrying a big responsibility, and she’s faced a lot of present and historical cultural, religious, familial, ahem… distaste about it. Persecution was what I wanted to say. If your woman is embracing her cycle, you should know - she’s a fucking badass for overcoming all that baggage. She’s doing this to break cycles of trauma and abuse going back hundreds of generations. She’s reconnecting with herself and her womanhood in a way that you should be proud of. Keep reading and you’ll see just how that bravery benefits you tremendously.
Another fun fact: women’s torso canisters are an open pressure system because our uteruses need to be able to expand up into our rib baskets to accommodate carrying a full-term baby. This is different from your closed system torso canister.
Imagine a woman’s torso like a balloon. What would happen if you stretched a rubber band around the middle? Some pressure would go down, pressing the abdominal and pelvic organs down, and pressure going up would constrict respiratory function. This is what it’s like for women when their core becomes soft at certain times of their reproductive lives. Strong abdominal engagement plus inter-abdominal pressure at a moment when she cannot physiologically sustain the pressure… No bueno. Examples are when a woman is postpartum or even during menstruation.
The fact is, you can lift heavy things much easier, and sustain greater internal pressures, without the risk of prolapsing your organs or causing your pelvic organs to lose healthy function. This is important to keep in mind in a fitness context as well as around the yard.
Fortifying the female body for these pressures is nuanced, involving pelvic organ supplicity, bony alignment, breath mechanics, and usually strengthening the posterior chain. Every woman is unique but I think it’s safe to say that all women would benefit from strengthening their glutes and putting on some muscle mass. (This could mean she joins you at the gym eventually, but her body needs very slow and cycle-synced progressions, so this isn’t an invitation to load her up with heavy weight just yet!)
However, don’t let those second wave feminists tell you,’ anything they can do, we can do’. It’s just not physiologically true. Encourage your woman to let you cary heavy things for her during the sensitive phases of her cycle. I’ll tell you more later about when that is exactly, don’t worry. I’m literally going to spell this out for you. For now, let’s hope this inspires a return of chivalry, along with graceful acceptance.
Intuitive touch exercise
Women’s inner foot arches connect through fascial weaves to the walls of our vaginas, so if you really want to support your woman’s body to relax and receive, give her lots of foot massages as a warm-up.
If she’s stressed, if her back hurts, if she’s menstruating… all great times to offer your love this way. Working your way (with some coco butter) up the fascial line of her inner ankle, calf, and thigh can release a lot of held tension for her. Go slow, listen to her body with how deep you press, and hold space for the tears that may come. This line of the body often holds imprints of trespass and trauma.
A woman is much more likely to be ready for sensual intimacy if her body is relaxed and tension in this fascial line is released. This is psycho-somatic, so effectively holding space for her emotions will communicate to her body about your trustworthiness. This can be a very connecting way to warm-up.
Speaking of warm ups, women have a greater need for foreplay than you - and that’s a just biological fact. Our erectile tissues take 35-45 minutes to fully engorge (yes I said erectile tissue - we have just as much as you do, it’s just all inside.) Penetration should never happen until she is ripe and ready. Painful sex is really setting her back, so stay connected and make sure she’s ready to be entered. (How do you know? She’s begging you for it. ;)
She’s cyclical like the moon, you’re like the sun
Why is your girlfriend obsessed with the moon? Well, there’s a biological reason for that! Everyone knows the circadian rhythm. From the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep, your internal biological clock impacts your mood, your ability to digest food, your internal temperatures and many other physical, mental and emotional processes. This is dictated by the sun, and it’s a ‘masculine’ rhythm, steady and consistent.
Infradian rhythms are biological cycles that occur for longer than 24 hours. The female menstrual cycle is one example. Similar to ocean tides, the female infradian rhythm follows the lunar cycle, which lasts 28 days. In other mammals, these rhythms dictate ‘feminine’ biological processes like hibernation and migration patterns, molting (or shedding) of skin, and mating behaviors.
The female human is like the sea. We respond to the moon’s pull on the waters of the earth in the same way. Our Heavenly Waters, as they are called in Traditional Chinese gynecology, are tidal. Every moon cycle the tides rise and lower, constantly shifting the waters all over the globe.
Change is part of who we are, and this can be frustrating to men when they don’t see the larger rhythms - when they don’t look beyond themselves and their circadian nature. To be frank, it’s not logical to assume that women will be the same day after day, every day of the month. It’s not our natural biological design. The infradian rhythm pulls our reproductive cycle into four distinct phases, just like the seasons, just like the moon. Here’s the silver lining - it’s possible to learn these phases, sync with your woman’s infradian rhythm, and experience a harmony you’ve never even dreamed of.
Tune in for part two, where I will explain these phases in depth, including more keys to unlocking King status for yourself in the eyes of your woman, and what happens for you both over time as you remember your original attraction, and feel polarity for each other in your bodies again. I believe this is medicine for the whole world. Love and eros are healing forces that are unparalleled in their contagious capacity to create peace!
Friends, feel free to forward this email if it resonates.
love love,
Sarah WolfMother
Yes, thank you! I’ve long searched for an article geared towards males about the magic of the infradian rhythm and how to support your woman. You nailed it here, can’t wait to see what’s next 💕