Women, we're the grounding rod
Women with living pelvises, who have literacy of body and soul and earth, really know who they are. They are channellers of power.
I have moments in my client check-ins sometimes, when she tells me how the work we are doing is changing the dynamics of her life. Once in a while, I hear something so affirming and my mind goes into fireworks, where ten thousand synapses ripple across my brain like a technicolor pleasure wave.
When a client articulates a beautiful anecdote to the power of healing pelvic trauma, I fill with glee and begin floating up off my chair. It’s my greatest honor to catalog these moments with them, to process and reflect on how the idea of a “Living Pelvis” becomes real in their own unique story.
After we had our first session, my client was certain that she needed to work with me, she just knew that the BODY was the missing piece of her healing journey. She’d done all the therapy, all the psychedelics, all the dance and trance and still… her body and specifically her womb, were frozen. She wanted to FEEL.
The LEGS were the bridge, between her core and the core of the earth.
Over the course of a high-touch three month container, she began to unwind and become more acquainted with her body. She became less and less likely to dissociate. She learned to regulate her nervous system herself, to mother her inner maidens, live inside her cyclical nature, and to become fluent in listening to her womb. She came back into the felt-sense of her pelvis, legs, and feet.
She employed a lot of positive changes that made her feel really good about herself, and her confidence in her worth grew. Feeling was her ultimate goal, and it was happening like a spring peony unfurling. Slow and layered. Coming from a former life of high-intensity industrial pressure, where it was almost her job to dissociate, give too much of herself, shut her mouth to keep her job, and to ignore her base bodily needs, feeling was a revolution.
Feeling is powerful
The story she told me that elicited my synaptic joy was this: instead of being a petal blown into chaos by the winds of the moods of her partner, instead of her usual empathic safety patterns of leaning into his body and trying to control him from outside herself, instead of having too porous boundaries and absorbing the negative energy of her closest people, she realized she could become a grounding rod.
She had this epiphany one evening while she was doing her own thing and her partner came into the room, very flustered and frantic looking for something he’d lost. Her usual pattern of getting impacted by his energy, getting frustrated by her thoughts of ‘how unfair that he should come at me all riled up like this”, and spiralling out of her center into a defensive pattern of trying to control him to get him to calm down… she just took a deep breath and focused her energy down, into her legs.
She felt her breath descend into her pelvis, felt her energy go down through her legs into her feet, into the earth below her. She breathed some more, stayed with her feet and legs, and just observed her thoughts of outrage, impulses to control, and then, slowly, something miraculous happened.
Her partner’s energy calmed down too. She rooted her body into the earth and became the grounding rod for the both of them. She became energetically so BIG and DEEP that his static just dissipated, and the dynamic entered productive and connected terrain (instead of spiralling into a fight that lasted hours).
Women, this story lights me up so much because it highlights our TRUE power. The power to be earth energy channels, to be the most sane one in the room. To be the eye in the storm that settles the tornado around us. It’s totally our birthright, the codes are already in our bodies. We evolved to be connected intimately with Mother Earth, our rhythms mirror hers, for always.
To come into our full potential and power, we only need to CHOOSE to be the bigger person in the room, to be as big as the earth. We then need to break the addiction to drama.
What we are talking about here is the Drama Triangle. I’m sure you know what that means? Incase not, here’s a diagram:
The Drama Triangle is an addiction.
Awareness is the cure. And knowing who you really are - not a victim, not a rescuer, not a perpetrator, just you.
I like this definition, albeit it’s a little simple.
“In the drama triangle, we find ourselves boxed into oversimplified roles that do not capture the fullness of a person. Within families and organizations, it's common to see the same characters in the same spots, and even outside these systems, individuals might repeatedly end up on the triangle, usually repeating parallel cycles.” - Psychology Today
When we find ourselves in conflict, sometimes these well worn patterns from our family of origin kick into gear without us even noticing them. I couldn’t believe how often I found myself in one or another of these stereotypical roles, once I started looking at my own relationships. It took time, but eventually I was able to spot my own behavior in real time. I began to have a gap, like a glitch in the matrix, where I could exit these painful, repetitive loops that were not generative. I am not perfect but most of the time now, I notice the familiar feeling of being drawn up and out of myself, and I can change the direction of my energy to drop down into myself again. Find gravity. Find my pelvis, legs and feet. Take a pause. Give the addictive thoughts some space.
Drama triangle dynamics are very common for trauma survivors.
There was a time where falling into these roles kept us safe. We must not pathologize this, we must love ourselves fully to heal. Befriending our Maidens, mothering them the way they always wanted and never got, this lays the groundwork that will eventually set us free.
So when my client told me how the work we have been doing to awaken her living pelvis gave her energy another direction to travel - back to the earth - I celebrated her in this miracle. She got her power back. She can mother and wife from her center, and as the grounding rod at the center of her family, she will be in her rightful place.
It is literally all about being able to FEEL your energy in your own living breathing body. It seems very simple, but most people are not living in their bodies. It’s getting more desperate by the year as we march further into digital & virtual realities. Most people don’t have a clue how to manage their own energy, or are aware when they leave themselves.
Most people’s feet never touch the bare soil, or watch the sunrise.
Most women today are so divorced from the rhythmic earth that their bodies feel alien. Women feel victimized by their own bodies, when they do not know how to listen or how to read the symptoms of their womb, when they only listen to the pathological diagnoses offered by allopathic medicine.
The relationship most women have with their doctors is most certainly laced with the dynamics of the Drama Triangle. When a doctor suggest a uterine ablation to stop flood bleeding - or in other words, when a woman’s uterus is literally weeping, trying to flush itself free from the burdens she carries - when she doesn’t feel at home in her own body, a barbaric solution like burning the inside of her uterus with acid becomes routine.
Grounding back to earth and breaking patterns of the drama triangle takes grit, determination, and commitment to relearn what your body already knows. Just like an addiction to a narcotic, there are steps, there are relapses, there are milestones, and the bigger picture is necessary for us to move forward. Just like in recovery programs, mentors are super helpful. And letting go of perfection is helpful. Your attempts will be so liberating compared to the grind of the Drama Triangle.
Faith is necessary too, if you’re not praying to something bigger than you, find something. You can’t hold all this weight and responsibility alone. I pray to God, goddesses, the Earth, trees, flowers, my dog, my spirit guides, my Mom, whatever/wherever I can.
Ideas for nurturing your grounding rod nature.
Try this disciplined routine for 30 days. Tell me how you feel.
Catch the sunrise and sunset light on your eyeballs every day
Spend at least 20 minutes each day barefoot on the soil (preferrably HOURS)
Track the moon and your own blood cycles together - literally look with your eyeballs at the moon and your own blood.
Get off blue light entirely, throw away your LEDs
Pray and make offerings
Turn off Wifi at night, pull off the smart meters, disconnect from EMF radiation sources (including all wearables), opt for a pat-down at the airport
Start the day with 1 teaspoon of high quality salt and 1 tsp ACV in a quart of water to hydrate your cells and prepare for food
Up your intake of iodine to 10,000 mcg/day (more if pregnant)
Take lots of magnesium topically and orally
Get on organ meat or organ suppliments. I like Ancient Nutrition Women’s Vitality
Leave or pause toxic relationships where the drama triangle is strongest.
Get your crystals and sacred rocks and sleep with them, literally.
Garden. Hands in dirt.
Take pleasure in your living, breathing, bleeding body.
Ask your partner to massage your feet right before falling asleep every night (my partner has done this for me for almost two years. It’s a holy practice of speaking safety and love to the body.
Get a Team! Find support from energy workers, bodyworkers, and nutritionists to clean up your energy and body.
This story highlights the root of a lot of illness and unhappiness in women’s lives. Drama in our relationships causes us to grow fibroids and cysts, cancer and sickness. It’s no joke, this toxic relating, and it all comes back to doing the hard work to reclaim your body. When women clean up their psycho-emotional lives, and heal their trauma from within, then finally their bodies are fertile, not stuck in fear or lack, and ready to stand in the center of their lives and take up space.
It’s freakin beautiful to behold, and I want this for all women.
It’s my prayer every day. For you to feel and be free.
I love you.
Sarah WolfMother